He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
