I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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