nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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