Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
