wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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