So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
