i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
