Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize