I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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