He had one of those small greek statue penises
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
