just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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