why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
