no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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