i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
