Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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