white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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