I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
