My liver just broke up with me...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize