You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
