I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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