you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
