i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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