she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
