I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This baby is an asshole
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
