the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
