Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
