Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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