I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
