my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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