I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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