i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
