I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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