so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
