why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
