Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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