I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
