You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize