In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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