i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pooping to opera.
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