hotel room ftw
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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