I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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