Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
