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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Haha, bad night?

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

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• (714): View more from California

  my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage

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• (707): View more from California

  It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.

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• (212): View more from New York

  I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life

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