Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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