So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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