I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
