Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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