Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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