I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize