We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
