i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
