I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
