everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
