you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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