I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
