Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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