This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
are you so shy because you have an std?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
