Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
