Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
