never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
