I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
