ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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