remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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