Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
