my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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