Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's always time for handjobs
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
