do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
