Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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