I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Porn is love you can see.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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