i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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