were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
