i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize