No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
