just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize