The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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